Suggested Dowries for Brides (and Grooms) in the Covid 19 World

Deborah Barchi
2 min readApr 1, 2020
Photo by Tamara Menzi on Unsplash

Dowries go back a long way. And it’s true that in much of the world they are no longer in fashion. But if things continue much longer in the pandemic world we have recently come to know, maybe prospective brides and grooms will want to bring back the tradition of dowries.

The following is a recommended list for a modern day dowry that should prove most attractive to potential spouses. Please note these are minimum requirements. In the matter of dowries, as with hoarding, more is more.

200 rolls of best quality, double-ply, quilted (for comfort)toilet paper

One gross (144 units) of hand sanitizer (Purell or a suitable substitute)

14 gallons of bleach (lemon scented)

36 rolls of white, extra strength, “choose a sheet” paper towels

84 assorted cans of beans (black, pinto, and cannellini)

1 dozen bottles of Beano to be used in conjunction with the beans.

24 boxes of pasta (6 penne, 6 medium shells, 6 cappellini, 3 rotini (including 1 box of tricolored), and 3 orchiette (to impress company, should we ever be allowed to hold dinner parties again)

12 economy -size containers of garlic powder, onion powder, and dried oregano to flavor the

64 small cans of plain tomato sauce, low salt, (store brand is fine) for the pasta.

1 bolt (100 yards) of sturdy white cotton cloth, suitable for cutting into face masks (just in case the CDC decides we should all be wearing them).

1 economy size box of Tums (just in case, you know, all that pasta and beans)

1 large carton (16 bottles) of Pepto Bismol (if the Tums don’t work)

1 self-storage unit to store it all in (monthly rental, until needed)

Good looks? Sexual attraction? Love? All fine, of course. But if you offer a dowry like this, well, who could resist you?

image by Silas Kohler/Unsplash
Deborah Barchi

Deborah Barchi has recently retired from her career as a librarian and now has time to read, explore nature, and write poetry and essays.