My mother died recently too, Mark. We were not outwardly estranged but I struggled inwardly to accept many things about her that jarred against my life decisions and ways of thinking. But now that she has passed I feel closer to her than I ever did. It’s as if a door I had stubbornly kept closed against her had slowly unjammed and opened, and I am more connected with her now than I ever was. I hope that kind of experience will happen for you, over time, so that you won’t feel grief as much as deeper connection and appreciation with your mom, now that she has passed from the earth and is free .