Jan, reading this made my heart ache. This guy Matt sounds so very dangerous. Is there no one who can help you to get you away from him?
Please excuse my words. I don't mean to imply that you haven't thought about it all or that you are not capable of solving your life problems. I know you will find a solution because you are truly a stupendous person with countless superpowers--you are honest and you are courageous! You are a good writer too! Thank you for having the tremendous courage to share who you are, even when it is painful.